Bartender Jokes: The Best Of
Laughter is the best medicine (along with a good cocktail) which is why bartender jokes are an excellent way to connect with your customers. Making your guests feel comfortable is a sign of a great bartender, so having a few jokes to hand doesn’t hurt. Whether you’re an experienced, witty joker or in need of refresher course in humour, we have you covered below…
A guy walks into a bar...
‘Walk into a bar’ jokes are absolute classics and a hit with the punters. No matter what your style is, there’s one of these jokes for every bartender. They’re usually short and punchy, so these bartender basics are sure to go down well with guests.
1. A neutron walks into a bar. It asks, “How much for a beer?”. The bartender says, “For you? No charge”.
2. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish bar, drinks, beer…
3. The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
4. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger in alarm and yells, “Hey!”. The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
5. Comic Sans, Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out!”, shouts the bartender, "we don’t serve your type here".
6. Two dragons walk into a bar. One says, “It’s really hot in here”. The other says, “Shut your mouth”.
7. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors”.
8. A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any jobs?” The bartender says, “Why don’t you try the circus?” The dog replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
9. A roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please”.
10. A guy walks into a bar. The second ducks.
11. A screwdriver walks into a bar. The barman says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you?". The screwdriver replies, "You have a drink called Phillip?".
12. A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Have you been served?".
13. Dr Who walks into a bar. The barman stops them and says, "Sorry, we don't serve time travellers in here"... Dr Who walks into a bar.
Remember that the delivery and timing is key. There’s nothing worse than a poorly told joke. Be confident and tell it with conviction, even if it's really cheesy.
Some more bartender jokes
14. What is the best way to maintain a balanced diet? A cocktail in each hand!
15. A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks about it, the bartender says, “If you can jump up and touch it, drinks are on the house all night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” The man decided to not take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
16. What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? Olive or Twist?
17. What do you call a guy who's had too much to drink? A cab.
18. Why didn't the bartender serve the ghost? Because they don't serve spirits.
19. A guy asks for a rum and Coke. The bartender replies, "Is Pepsi ok?". The man says, "Yeh, no problem" and is given a Pepsi and Coke.
Before we finish
To finish, there are infinite jokes to choose from, but the trick is to be fresh and original. No one wants to hear that ‘Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk in a bar…’ gag, plus, it’s not the most cultural-friendly joke.
Keep these points in mind when you’re about to weave your funny:
1. Keep it brief – Setting a context is often important, but long jokes can really try the patience of the listener and build up expectations to a possible anti-climax. Only say what's really important to the meaning.
2. Keep it clean – Potentially offensive or explicitly dirty jokes are best avoided, especially with customers or new friends. It’s better to be cheesy than nasty!
3. Tell the jokes that work for you – We all have our own personalities and styles of delivery so be sure to stick to the ones that best match your own personal style rather than trying to be someone else.
4. Know your audience – Some jokes can be hilarious with one group, yet met with expressions of confusion with the next, so be sure you can gauge your crowd before opening your mouth.
5. Be confident – As with many things, confidence can make all the difference. Unfunny jokes can be made funny if they work for the speaker. Believe in yourself and the joke, and (hopefully) you'll get some laughs.
Want to improve your bartending skills? Take a look at our EBS Bartender Courses.
